`take my HAND* NEVER let go-

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Faith, Hope, Love

我真的好想哭!
If blogging will send this out, I hope that it will be transmitted to Heaven...
Then I feel hopeful, maybe He will tell me or show me. I know you must be tired of this…but believe me, I’m really trying. And struggling, very difficult. Hence I can only blog…I often have this image I’m standing on this big open land. Many weapons come, flying everywhere. I’m hit, struck, but I did not fall, my body is shaking, going to collapse, but I did not fall. I am standing. It just reminded me of Ephesians 6:13.
In the end, I’m filled with blood, cuts, tormented till I couldn’t even recognize myself…but I’m still standing bravely. Even though I’m standing, but I’m internally tortured and bleeding.

Maybe someday I’ll be able to walk out…I don’t know when. Maybe soon. But it’s also this that I realize who are the people who truly love and care. Who I am to them. And who I am to them is different from who am I to God. Only perfect love comes from God. Maybe I did many nasty things to them. I never really know how to love them, or show them. I always want people to be real yet I am not true to them. I can only pray they will forgive me just as I forgive them. I’m really sorry I did not play my part very well.

But if I can have a chance, again, I want to start all over again…
Can I?

Thinking about it gives me a glimpse of hope. I want to start showering my love to them, every one of them…giving them happiness, experiencing joy and laughter…isn’t that what ‘I can’ do? But can I? Do we all share the same space for growing?

Many times I know He’s there to heal me. He just stood there quietly without saying anything…many times I wonder why…I hate it to face it all alone…but then I grow stronger each time…

People, please please give me a chance to tell you how much I love you. Even if you may not love me as much as I love you, I still want to thank you for playing a part and being so important in my life. Forgive me if I have hurt or made you angry in anyway…as I’m learning…it’s so difficult for me to do certain things but if that’s what you want…because there are so many things I don’t know.

Please be strong…jiayou…you can because they say you can. One day, you’ll be healed in Jesus' name!

I am Daddy's brave girl!!!

Labels: Current Affair, People

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Friday, January 1, 2010

Goodbye 2009 ~

It's a brand new year with a brand new start! This 2009 is a really really down year for me. This morning He brought me back to the time when the greastest miracle happened to me which I witness, but I think it was back in 08. I was prayed for. At Bras Basah. I remember the First Love. The First Joy. I wanted to proclaim to the whole world of this joy I had.
Why couldn't life be that simple? All I want is just a stable and normal life where I can live healthily and grow well. It doesn't matter if I have only a little, just enough...but yet it's so difficult. Even if I wanted to go for the study, I got to tell Him how much I want to this year, how I got to beg in tears, how if I am able I'm willing to do anything...
I just hope there's someone I can pray with everyday until I breakthrough. Someone who is willing to talk to me and give me the courage to live on. I don't want to cry everyday like this. Everyday is a torture. Because 2 is better than 1.
2009= ?? buckets of tears

Why is it that it can be so easy for others but just simply difficult to near impossible for me? It has always been 2 options: either to live or die. Nearing the end, I've reached a stage where it doesn't matter...either way I'm dead. Unless there's a miracle.

I realized that the solution which I concluded is something which I cannot control. First you can't force someone to love you. You can't control the nature of life. You can't change yourself overnight. While they dance in joy, I weep in sorrow. Because I'm not perfect.

Once and for all, let's walk through 2009 and say goodbye~
I thank God that it's this year I make many sacrifices and started on a journey with Him. From the beginning I was struggling at work and choosing to leave and also then that I am able to be more committed to service. Before that in 2009 the kind of life I was living, trying to overcome many many hurdles...how I got to know a new kind of people - spiritual. How I start to adapt to a renewed life. How some of them used to encourage me to bravely walk this far. How I made certain decisions...risked my all...It a year where I lost my home and found again. The time when I got depression, cried, super weak..I remember that time he told me it's like the stock market. Can it get any lower? Fortunately it always ride out all the crisis overtime. The time when I realized no one can help me except myself...praying...crying...wanting to kill myself...telling myself I want an end. Being rejected, being a fool, suffering alone, heartaches...

However God is still faithful...though many downs but there's still some ups. Did many new things and shared many memories with people especially my cg. Though I met many evil people, I believe He is still protecting me from what could be even worse! And 'no weapon formed against me shall prosper'! The greatest enemy is myself!!! When I'm fearful, I would always look forward to the place of love...to be hugged...to be free of all the burdens...the outings...the KinderJoys, cards, letter, games...the zone camp, birthday celebrations, I hope I can remember them all forever!

2010, I hope I won't be lonely anymore. It will be exciting and fun. I just want to be happy. Happy no matter what. I want to fall in love with my new life once again. I want to love my God whole heartedly and love my people fervently.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in their hearts, yet so that man can't find out the work that God has done from the beginning even to the end.
Ecclesiastes 3:11

Labels: Current Affair, Event, People

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Sunday, November 29, 2009

1 Peter 5:7

Have been praying about many things, talked to one of the members about my concern and worries. I feel that I have a part to play too. I don't want to Not care because I care.
Life is so short. And often unpredictable. You don't know what will happen tomorrow, or how will a person change. I want to cherish every single one. Sometimes we will get hurt, but love is greater than our pain and anger. At the end we know that we still love one another and we can come back together again. With a 'sorry', with a hug, with a prayer. I asked for forgiveness and for His blessings to them...
I realized that it's important that we press on in the things we need to do. No busy, No excuse. Why? Because only when things start to change or you lose that you starts to value and cherish, that you really start to regret. When they fall below our expectation, we get disappointed.

Can we really support one another and start afresh? Instead of taking everything for granted why not appreciate every single blessings and moments we have? I want to start right now...I want to remember back the drive...
I hate this insecurity!! You mean we can't withstand trials and testings? Where is the hope and faith? You're the reason I'm special. Without You, who am I?

Mark 3:25

Let the fire melt the snow! I hope that they will be part of my dreams. I hope that I am part of their dreams too. There's no time to be weary! Let's start to do crazy things while we can. Work the impossible to POSSIBLE.

Mark 10:27

It doesn't matter what we do at times, it's how we feel. We will reap a great harvest if we do not lose heart. 2009! Many many memories. 2010 greater and better memories to come! One is not enough, many will work!

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Sometimes it's just too coincidence. I went because of the warmth, the familiar surroundings, the memories. Or at least I know someone close is near. It feels different with different people. But they have a special place..
Do you know it affects one another? It is a support system. Do you really want it to collapse? Life to be ruined? I don't want it to be this way. =(
It's just like a mother wanting a child to grow, feed it daily with milk then one day decide that 'it's not fun anymore', 'it's too tiring' and leave the child behind wondering what's wrong and if no one loves them anymore.

I hope it's not too late......
I want to say 'I Love You'. No matter what. Whoever you are reading right now, I want to let you know 'God Loves You'...... And I Love You with the Love of Christ! Yes, that's You!!!

~ hugsss ~

~ SMILE ~

Labels: Current Affair, People

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Sunday, September 20, 2009

By the Sea

It's always like this. When you thought you are well and have recovered, on the road to happiness, there's a heart attack. I've been contemplating what I should do to stop this nonsense. Will death end this? Yes perhaps. But it will not solve this. Does leaving helps? Yes. But will the heart stop beating? No, but it will ache more.
It's never fair. There's never a good fair share. Why??? Does He loves me less?
What a fool! Slap myself and wake up. SOOO? Does drinking helps?

Family. What an irony!!! It's only through such time where you will know the real meaning behind this word. Talk about family! Laugh...laugh all you want and can! They're just waiting there to see how you fall. I was born with nothing, so I give thanks with all I have now.

Enough is Enough!!! I want to get out of BFC. Again I repeat, I want to get out and I make sure I will get out! CeLL group! The real meaning behind this? It doesn't matter, right? I see that footprints and rejoice and wonder who it is and all I find is nobody...but when I turn around I see You standing there, smiling...

Dearest Dearest God!! you ku nan yan -_-
I really want to breakthrough...I really want to do this...but...but..I always fail...
I'm so sad =( More so now.
But I can't tell anyone. Do they really want to help me? Even my cgm did that to me!
Will you work with me?

Dear Dear God, I don't want to cry every night like this. Is this a test? I don't want to be afraid anymore. Just so weak...just a nobody with a sad song. I still have to continue, right? How much longer? My enemies are attacking me...day and night I just want to hide.
Can I throw it off and dance with joy?

After we pass the test, we will come forth as Gold. Through this, only the true real bestest people will be revealed. What doesn't break make me Stronger!

Hold me Tight =X

Labels: Current Affair, People

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

W.o.r.r.y

Finally realize how weak can a person be. It’s only X day…
“You’re NOT alone”. If only I can get this right and believe in the unseen…

What is the price of a mistake? Just when you are really needed…excuses!! If you really love and care…if that can be so valuable to you…and you’re leaving me ALONE!

“Precious in His sight”… “You’re so so Loved”… “Don’t be afraid. I am with you…I am holding your hand...”

You’re so much appreciated and respected…well if you don’t, you don’t have to! It feels so cheated!

2 Timothy 1:7

Labels: Current Affair, People

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Heavenly Dream

Budgets, budgets and more budgets!!! Aarrrggghhh…
Such a headache…Just can’t figure out, need to seek a confirmation. The more fear and risk, the better. It is the good training ground to get ready for more. “Kill the flesh..kill the flesh!!” ……

I’m glad and thankful that during my darkest time people are there, I spent it with my loved ones. Feels so in love…guess I would have died or still in a spiral of despair if not for my beloved God and people. Enjoyed the service and drama. Now I begin to enjoy singing freely. Next came pm. It was really one week where I felt in Heavenly World. I remembered on the first day I felt so sick and so distracted and uneasy. Throat really hurts. I couldn’t get the stamina! Kinda depressing. Fortunately was comforted after…

Each day got better and better. Wednesday was a special day. After enjoying my outing with sis, went to decorate cupcakes. What happened throughout that night till morning got me giggling till now. Whatever plans, God is still in control.

Went to visit Megan. Hope she’ll be fine and grows healthily. She likes to sleep and will cry if carried or awaken. Calm and peaceful baby. Yeah I’m coming to see you soon!

(Oh yea I'm 1 year old) *wink wink

Labels: Current Affair, Event, People

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Gratitude

It’s such a weird day…but when I got back at night I was so so happy. I slept for very long, feeling lazy to do anything. Tried reading then ended up sleeping. Woke up to get ready for Bs. On the way, still felt like I’ve not fully awaken and hunger was fighting..
Great to have Bs again and met with the rest of the members…lol

Lots of reflection today. First I am thankful God put wonderful leaders around me. The people I can look up to, the people whom I have to learn to honour and respect. I never know there’s this bunch of cheerful, always smiling, caring, beautiful nice people! Soooo loved!
I really got to learn to obey and not be so rebellious anymore.

Oh this is the first entry of the year. Last year ended with many gatherings and party. Great to be with family and friends. Hopefully bonds will be renewed again during CNY. Work has been exciting. I don’t know where this new role will bring me to. It’s always my prayer list to breakthrough and sees the light at the end of the day. I'm gonna fight it with passion and vision!

Went facial with sis. Funny. Haha. Hopefully the weekly dinner continues. Recently been travelling from the East to West and North. Seen some of the road names and apartments I’ve used to key. Learning is everywhere indeed. I don’t know if I should continue class. Just lack the motivation and warmth. But to give up like that?? Wish to belong somewhere. The place where I love to grow up at is changing.

Entertainment of the month: Watch red cliff 2, play mahjong again.

Labels: Current Affair, People

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Friday, December 26, 2008

mErRy MeRrY Xmas

I am so so happy today! Their joyous face when they open the presents, the light that shines in their heart…the squeal of delight to “try” the pressies…
The happiness that comes from being thoughtful. The sense of achievement of being “valuable” despite the effort…it’s worth it after all…
Giving seems so difficult but yet it’s indeed better than receiving. Really beginning to understand the meaning of being a blessing to people…

That’s not all! Really enjoyed the dinner with them just now, the feel of family gathering really warms my heart! They’re like so cute and funny and the silly jokes just liven up the whole atmosphere. Where I don’t care and it’s just ME!

Service drama was touching too and the meaning of Christmas was felt. This idea, sowed in my thought, put to action and reaped in my heart. 2008 Christmas - a day of love, happiness, blessing and joy through giving and ‘sacrificing’. Gonna remember this day.

My toe is better now. Despite getting injured I still hope for more of such outing. It was just an accident and not a bad activity. This pain I still remember how fearful it was to change the dressing and to pull out that cotton from my flesh. Sitting there for hours little by little…yet still painful and crying for help. “God save me, God save me” kept saying but only later when I finally pulled it out did I realize God was telling me to take a step of faith. “Pull it out and I will give you the strength to bear it all” He was waiting for me to do it so that He can start healing me. The days where I could not walk properly, limping around my journey to work, to class, squeezing in the crowded bus kept looking down to make sure nobody came near my toe. Ready to attack anyone, ready to protect my leg. Walking on one leg and getting bruised on that leg…worrying about going to work…scolded for being crazy for such “minor” injury…

But yet there’s always something to be grateful and joyful for. We love because He first loves us. Because of suffering and troubles do we realize how to cherish what we have.
Just one small candle it can light up the whole place. It only takes a spark to get a fire going and soon all those around can warm up in its glowing. How beautiful the place with thousands of candles glowing! And never look down on one small candle.

Praise God!!! Enjoyed all the family dining and gathering this season. Lots of photos and memories…catch up soon!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Labels: Current Affair, Event, Food and Drinks, Fun and Party, People

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Cross Roads

SO much can happen within weeks…no 1 day. After the sickness, after their trip…everything crashed together during this period of mega event. The ‘S’ word makes a toil to my body.

Why have things turn out this way? As the song goes, “…can’t you give this fool a chance? A little love is all I ask, a little kindness in the night…”

Does it stop here? NO! The world doesn’t revolve around this. If there’s someone to blame, then it’s you. Taking things for granted. Being proud. Being indifferent. Being so Extra-Ordinary. That’s where you stumble. Is it really too late to do anything now? The greatest irony is that you thought you’ve sow a good right seed and done all you can…

I want you to really reflect…I want you to grow up and stop this nonsense. Stop being abnormal. Does sorries help? Can it erase all the mark you’ve left? If it can, let me say a thousand times. Why can’t you just listen and learn? Why can’t you just cherish it and be wise to utilize it?!

What a doctor! Feel so cheated by your treatment. I thought you’re the kindest person ever who is willing to talk to me. I thought you understand and trusts you! I’ve got caught in my own trap. Sadly, I still have not the courage to face it. I wish there’ll be no tomorrow and would die to my flesh right away. It’s the wrong desire…no I don’t want a shattered dream…

How many times we sin and turn away from Him? It’s definitely NOT good to be ignored. It feels fearful and you can tremble at the slightest action. My eyes are swollen. It’s too heavy and draining. I am not complaining but asking that question to me at this point in time is so disappointing. I pray that God bless you, I really wish you well. You’re a wonderful person in every way.

I really don’t know what to do. This time my “I don’t know” really works. No I can’t cry…Stop…please let it end

What I hope is good relationship and trust. Let me DO it. I really have Faith in what I can achieve. I believe in my dreams……In all things God work for the good of us.
I really wish you will change your mind…I really hope let there be miracles!!!

Let’s pray…

Labels: Current Affair, People

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Strike Back!

Never thought would come here at this time. Just inspired. Memories flood back. Feel a tiny bit of strength from all these. Loads in my mind. Yes I need to straighten out all the thoughts and cut away the thorns and burn them out!

1) Do you really like XXX? If it’s a passion why feel so burden to want do well and excel?
2) What right is there to stop everything and GIVE UP? What has happened to you??!!
3) Where have those people gone to?
4) Can I still go back there? Can I?? Whatever has happened? Miss out on the fun…
5) Sentosa. I thought I can go there again! Irony is that the people around me get to go instead! Arg!
6) Suspect those wounds are still deep in hindering everything…jump down from the XXth level to crush them!
7) I miss the cycling with Cia. The love and sweetness from Heaven.
8) Since I’ve chose it why feel so defeated? They can persevere, struggle and work soo hard. Then what’s all this XXX recently? Hate it…yes it’s time…
9) Am I part if it? Do you trust me? What do you really want? Just show me the way to love you…really grateful to YOU for all…
10) My lobster sushi and soup…(once again thanks for the voucher)
11) Went to watch alone. Great show! Look like a poor scared cat…
12) I don’t want to miss gym…no more excuses!
13) Second trial session. She is as sweet and kind. I really put it on. Boy that was painful and tiring! Just press on.
14) Saw darling after work. She’s really grown. Baby wins! Wish she’s by my side.
15) Strange appetite cease gradually. At least after the super spicy meal…
16) Sat up reading and drinking hot chocolate and cheesecake.
17) Conflict…oh give me a break!
18) I actually give. Flesh cutting moment resulting to tears unknown (I need to do a ‘RE-’ evaluation asap) Arg headache!
19) I actually did all that alone and endured hunger for XXX. Thanks! The fish soup was nice. Sometimes I wonder if you purposely did that to show your love
20) There’s just so much…emphasize is on change and creativity. Enough. I can’t wait to continue my show now. Let all be buried in it…

Labels: Current Affair, People, Television

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Baby!

This music just releases everything. Tears just flow freely…Yes I love them just as you. I never hear such kind of music before and the very sound just melts my heart like love flowing into your whole body.
Weariness seems to take a hold of me. True that those projects and upcoming events are gonna be fun and exciting but…
(wishing the song would continue)

Woman – hard to comprehend! Does she still hope our XXX would improve?
Random moment – While waiting for the bus, this skinny young boy suddenly zooms past me then tried to climb up the seat to go over the other side as his mom was calling him. It’s in this rectangular shape about his height. It looks like he’s going to fall and I saw him making quite an effort to balance. Plop ~ he landed safely and ran to his mom. Running back, this time more confident, he climbed again and stood on the long ‘chair’ raising his arms exclaiming, proud of himself. He looked at me vaguely then towards his mom and sister. All around was filled with energy, fun and agility. The mom was rather hostile towards him though. (as he occupied part of the seat) Boys!

We had lunch at this Jap restaurant but ate western. I ordered the salad. Harmonious relationship indeed. Just like what I always wish and now I witness. At night I went there alone (can’t keep missing like this). Perhaps already used to the heat so not much of dizziness just drained. And then the most bizarre thing happens. I actually lost the key. I keep on recalling what’s going on and walked back and forth like a million times but the key was nowhere to be found! Worse is the key belongs to my friend. The ‘workout’ already made me so drowsy then I almost fainted. Poor locker was cut. I even thought the key was in the locker…anyway what a crazy day! What a place. On the way back was a little shattered (the later part of the story was a scary confession and that I am forgiven!) The joy of being forgiven feels like a miracle! As previously similar experience happened.

She came over for discussion. I pray that all goes well. The time is coming and is here.
In the evening went to the Settlers. Food – Games – Enjoyment
So much laughter and fun together haha. I want to play!!! Need to ‘learn’ to play. Ended with girls vs. guys taboo. We stayed for a discussion of upcoming activities. SO many important things are coming…
I hope I have not forgotten about the mission. Has independence got to do with loneliness? A little breakthrough as I found out more about him. He showed me his baby’s photographs. Will she ever know?

他不爱我
牵手的时候太冷清
拥抱的时候不够靠近
他不爱我
说话的时候不够认真
沈默的时候又太用心
我知道他不爱我
他的眼神说出他的心
我看透了他的心
还有别人逗留的背影
他的回忆清除得不够乾净
我看到了他的心
演的全是他和她的电影
他不爱我
尽管如此
他还是赢走了我的心

Met up and dine together. Ordered this XXX steak with lobster soup and garlic bread. He ordered the salad and XXX juice for me. Cool ambience with nice music. He never failed to bring me to exotic places and we always have exhilarating conversation. Yeah…looking forward to the shopping, treats and movie! Hopefully be able to clear by this month. Also catch up the missing episodes of the baby!

Labels: Current Affair, Drama, Food and Drinks, Music, People

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Monday, September 22, 2008

We are Connected to Each Other!

Life is a surprise. When you lose certain things, you find other doors opened for you. It sounds risky, but the excitement overcomes all. Perhaps each road also means change. But all I know is that I will always remember those times. The joy and sorrow through that door. If given a choice, I would want to stay there. That used to be where I grow up, where I really go through love…

That day we went to start the program. I thought we could start something but she was rushing. It just made me realized the art of tolerance and patience is so precious. And I think no one would want to see this girl explode in fury. Anyway had a rare meet up with Liz and we were anticipating the arrival of Wei. (Found out only later it wasn’t) Later went with them to shop for their friend BD gift. At night he suddenly called and asked me out for dinner. As usual waited for ages…kept talking till past mid-night (waking up few hours time for work). Hope one day I can go back there.

Family dinner again! Was deliberating if I should rush down as wasn’t feeling so well. Even messaged my leader for help…well ended up happily. Me enjoying the mini food and number 19 drink (LoL winks ^^) I hope that action made them happy. We all shared the durian ice-cream again then looked at the gown. Yeah what am I gonna wear? Or when is my turn? Am I the joke or the joker?

Lunched with her. I guess I’ve fallen in love with her. We really complement each other. I really cherish the chance to dine together. I was crazy cleaning when she asked. Earlier on I asked my friend as I thought she won’t be coming. We walked silently…every moment is clear in my mind. I pray that our relationship will improve and blossom. God Bless her…

Dinner with Cia after work. Been losing appetite since when. Prefer food either spicy or sour. Shared that puky yoghurt. Went back in time to catch the drama. That entire day was stuck to the screen, wanted to blog about the information overload but too giddy and rush as gonna set off to check them out. I really pray for the right home…rush again but already late for the class. In the end we went for the sauna. Such a ‘cool’ experience! Also the steamy bath. Where there’s a will, there’s a Way. [random thoughts]

Had been thinking what she said. The stress is there…to serve. Crucial time indeed!
Last but not least, the second workshop was terrific! Previously was so sick…now I really enjoy myself. Games-warming up-recording. The message reminded me of a child in a family. Quite entertaining and felt more relaxed. Went to airport for dinner. Till now I could not get my appetite back. Ordered the celery slush and potato island. Waiter was really nice too. Next day I was really thankful able to manage alone. She finally called me like to check it out. Hahaha…so sweet of her for the food :) Tell me, just how can I show it to her?

Labels: Current Affair, Entertainment, Event, Food and Drinks, Fun and Party, People

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Best is yet to Come

Wow it’s about two weeks, but that seems so long…First of all, please applause for the end of the battle. Next shall be the exciting updates…

Yesterday (today too, plus many tomorrows) was a blessed day. Woke up late and had my breakfast with lunch together. Prayed. Surprise. Miracle. We crafted out two plans. We were both thrilled with Plan A. We even tried playing at home. However due to good reason, it was postponed (feel bad for disappointing her)…Plan B in action! After those chores, we were ready to set off.

Cia even took pictures of the blooming flowers on the way out. I knew this was unlike any other time. In fact it was the first time we had such funny outing. She wanted the sun to tan. I just hope it won’t rain. I know that He is leading us…while waiting for the bus, snapped some pictures to reduce the time…We kept yawning and I was worried it would kill the fun…after some walking finally we arrived! Shared our wonderful subway meal together alone in the restaurant. That was the sweetest (cookie) meal. Being energized we went to rent our bikes. Thank goodness the whole process was quick and smooth. Ready, Set, Go! Sometimes I felt like stopping but just moved on, slowly. The beach, people, dogs, trees, sky, wind, weird smell – we are in heaven!!! There isn’t a drop of rain, no sun yet cool breeze with many beautiful clouds to admire! We had the same idea to stop at the jetty. That was when ‘heaven’ was being emphasized! This time we saw the sun. It was unlike the usual burning one but one so gentle and bright where the sunshine makes one feel warmth and love.

We sat at the bench and watched the ‘fishermen’ fished. One of them caught two huge fishes. OMG they were so pure like crystal…sad I told Cia I did not want to eat any fish that day. There was this man who wore formal suit fishing too…we had a good laugh. There’s also this Australian man riding with his dog standing in the basket…LOL
He went by us many times and we kept giggling wanting to snap it. Before he went back he stopped in front of us asking us if we have dogs and told us he wanted to find good owner. He has seven dogs in Australia! We also saw many airplanes taking off up into the sky. The sea was quite polluted, even underwear was floating about…

Such light-hearted scene. The joy and love of being in nature with the magnificent sun. On the way back, Cia was behind me. We walked further up and went for dinner at the food centre. Later our long awaited durian ice-cream!!! We sat there indulge in our own happiness. She accompanied me to get some toiletries before heading back to catch the show. That is the wonderful present.

The day before, Cia cooked all the vegetables and we shared a plate of greens for dinner. It’s amazing to see funny ideas in action. On Saturday, we went to eat Thai food. The sauce was nice, tom yam soup just spice up your appetite. Later Cia came to finish up and we ordered this Mango glutinous dessert. What was left was the poor rice. I was excited about the idea of buying donuts for them. (But kinda sad no one really appreciate) Cia bought the yoghurt. Two weeks ago, we also had our post birthday dinner for Cia at Pu Tian. Later went bowling and hey not bad skills for me! We played photo hunt. Addictive and fun. Could get heart attack if overdose. Felt relaxed after long work…

The workshop was a time where I gained knowledge and exposure to their background. All I want is practice and more practice now!!! Yes, I love my voice. I want my voice to shine. That Ktv session was just fantastic. I pray that God will help me overcome it. The best part was the rock song where we stood on the sofa singing and getting high. As time passed the songs got harder and harder. Haha

Had the study session in the open air area, good view and cooling. More to go…homework :P Lastly the battle was enjoyable. Fought to my last breath. Thanks for those who stand by me.

Labels: Current Affair, Entertainment, Event, Food and Drinks, Music, People

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Wounded

Wounded

This song reminds me.. Is this a day where I have to go through that again? Songs…each feels differently. I thought…I always thought it’s nothing. In fact I thought it would be fresh new…Hate the ‘whys’…XXX can’t it just stop? It just pains…every word, every thought…dragging the burdens…Sadness cannot be friends with happiness. You can do so much. For no reasons. You can remember so well. Simply wonderful!!!

Maybe she’d think I am crazy…maybe she’s irritated. Yes maybe time will tell…

Labels: Current Affair, People

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Birthday Baby

Birthday Baby

This is so exciting! Such sweet & sour July…had wonderful before, during and after celebration!!! :) :) :)
That evening met her to shop then later he came fetched me for the dinner. I had told him wanted some cool, fun and romantic place and trying new recipe. Once the door opened, “Wow beautiful…” It was too dark to capture anything.
“Cheers” with the red wine, great food! Presence of Fireworks will magnify the whole atmosphere. Exhilarating conversations…Love the bustling activities, people of all nations and background. The black, white, brown, yellow.. the brown even took care of the black making sure she is well-fed. Later he brought me back…

Despite such tough times, I learn to endure. And really means ENDURE. One of them is temptations. God sure has His way of surprises.
On that day I spent the time with my precious peoples. The talk was about what I was facing. Later I witnessed what I never ever in my life. (I weep silently too, all so heartbreaking) Then rushing around, hoping time will go slower.

Had steamy dinner with so many of them too. We cooked, talked, posed, walked, joked, laughed. Wondered why everyone was in this slow posing and walking. Next I saw this orange light lane glowing then heard the song…cool ‘gang’ atmosphere.

Had a second study session. Ordered this wasabi tuna sandwich with chips sort and this special green tea yet not so green drink. Had another surprise when suddenly in this people filled area this lovely love pinky cake appeared. The wind kept blowing the candle. LoL what humourous scene. We went out and I was so touched by all their effort. Thank you everyone. Love the present too. Finally faced my fear. And yes I WILL continue. I pray that I will work very hard, all those projects etc…

And the story continues…

Labels: Current Affair, Event, Food and Drinks, Fun and Party, People

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Sad-Love-Songs

“Will anyone ever die of heartache?”
As if it is not enough, those mega powerful love songs kept playing to wreck the heart even deeper…ironic life.
Hope the Latteccino can relieve a little pain…

No, the world does not revolve around all these minor stories. It’s time to move further even if it means dragging your heavy feet.
Yes, after the last drop of Latteccino, it WILL be better. Suddenly everything will shine again.
“Will anyone die of heartbreak?” …

SILENCE

Labels: Music, People

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Sunday, March 16, 2008

We're Da Team!

In this silent night, I remember those pictures and I already begin to miss them. Whenever I think of what they are and am going through, my heart is churning with tears. They may not understand but they know what is love.
I pray that they are growing fine with ever overflowing happiness. Their voices are like angels to my heart. Each of them is so different yet they share a world together…

Today is such a sweet and special day. So happy :) !!!
Really thankful to experience such a different “today”
Practising the first thing in the morning then checked up on some things…many surprises along the way that made it so exciting!
We took quick photos and we took the journey together (rare occasion). Later we ate together (enjoy my milk tea) and I saw her. Some streak of tears…I felt so sad and wanted to cry…

Everything just gives me strength and courage to go on. I hope that everyone stays happy healthy, growing in strong love and not forgetting to add fun into it! Once again we must never forget to sing. Sing to everyone you know!!! Wow such a great gift and I’m gonna share with everyone…

We own the land. It’ll someday become our famous territory filled with our stories to come. And it’ll be here that the stars will shine the brightest!!!

Labels: Current Affair, Health, People

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Genesis Chapter X

It’s a brand new life today. On this special day marks the start of an extraordinary, exciting and everlasting life! Sometimes when you lost or do not get something, even better things will be given to you. Nothing lasts but love. Only love is unlimited and unconditional.

Yes things are beginning to fall into place. So thankful for those people who has come into my life…I’m sure we share some wonderful memories…I feel so happy when being encouraged and so happy when I can do the things I never done before and so happy if my presence light up a smile and good laugh to people…
Those who have hurt me unknowingly…yes I’ve learnt to forgive them…and I can’t wait to see and talk to them!
I know I have to learn to enjoy and have fun. (it sounds easy but hey it’s hard for me ok!) But I’ll be happy to have someone to shoulder those responsibilities with me :p (winks ^^)
From now on, life is gonna change! A hopeful girl looking at the starry sky closing eyes grinning from ear to ear.

Wow today is someone’s birthday too! What a joyous day indeed ~ yesterday we gave a countdown and it was a funny start…
Decision. Guess there’s no right or wrong. They may not understand but I know I have to be brave…pray that I’ll be able to have wisdom…Since it’s gonna end soon I am starting to miss them. I used to be afraid of them…I can’t even communicate properly with them. Still remember those times…dread, dislike…they find me weird too…haha
Now that I finally overcome it’s time.. Wow ‘time’ really helps. I finally ‘experience’ it. Ok though I am still a tiny bit scared. Gosh God I really do love them now…is it too late? What else can I do for them?

Sigh ~ guess that’s life. You can’t really possess anything…what will pass shall pass...even if I want to go back but you can only look ahead. I can only hope that one day I’ll be able to see them again and they’ll remember me.

Hey people don’t leave me out of all the fun ok? Gotta capture all your funny moments (evil grin)
Break time: This story happened during one of the new year visitations...
Out of nowhere, Ern See dropped the "bomb" on us again...she is getting married! (again..)
And somewhere in the corner of my brain remembered someone saying we should not underestimate the understanding of a child. If we repeat the same message to them over a period of time..they might just be able to remember it when they grow up.
So i told her..."you must marry a good man ok"
Next came the most brilliant answer, "mummy, good man no more"
...stunned..
As we enter the lift, she repeated the announcement that she is getting married again.
So i repeated the same thing too.
This time she said "mummy, let's go and find together ok?"
...hilarious...

Is it a miracle? When I found some songs and keep listening I did not really pay attention to the lyrics. Then one day I read…omg I almost cried. All of them just fit accurately how I am feeling and the things I am going through! A song, short and simple can actually says it all. Shall have no more words then…

车厢中双手将礼物抱紧新装衣饰与我夜行要到午夜里给你一刻惊喜的深吻很想相拥祝福你大一岁前来你的小小堡垒却发现她也带着你心爱玩具我仿佛玻璃鞋尽碎一点点玻璃铺于心里你花一分钟想出一句笑说我会满意你新居

*尽情愚弄我吧我自行回家没有眼泪要留下不要忘记我不会是个笑话尽情愉快吧但愿凭残忍代价来年将生命美丽升华
若忘掉你感觉很差让这灰姑娘被丑化
别来问我一切好吗让这灰姑娘被丑化
若仇恨你感觉很差无奈这灰姑娘绝不怕

车长声音通知尾站到此 钟声响起正午夜时似要替下葬的爱加添悲哀的色彩很想一生花光气力相爱难逃最终输得慷慨我发誓不会困在最善变的海
你得不到一切别在某天妄想如过去美丽我那会是公主没有羽扇但我高贵

Labels: Current Affair, Entertainment, Fun and Party, People

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Sunday, December 23, 2007

My Valentine

I am blogging while playing this song: My Valentine by Martina McBride
Found it in a friend’s site. Evokes the feeling of love and wonder…can’t resist and hence here goes:

If there were no words No way to speak I would still hear you
If there were no tears No way to feel inside I'd still feel for you

And even if the sun refuse to shine Even if romance ran out of rhyme You would still have my heart Until the end of time You're all i need My love, my valentine

All of my life I have been waiting for All you give to me You've opened my eyes And showed me how to love unselfishly

I've dreamed of this a thousand times before In my dreams i couldnt love you more I will give you my heart Until the end of time You're all i need My love, my valentine

La da da
Da da da da

And even if the sun refuse to shine Even if romance ran out of rhyme You would still have my heart Until the end of time Cuz all i need Is you, my valentine

You're all i need My love, my valentine

This friend is an ex-schoolmate of mine, and guess what? She is already married some time back! I was a bit shocked because she is still so young (we are of same age) and the images I have of her was a young student, quiet and gentle. We were still in the same class working…While she is on her way to start a new family, most of us would have been busy working starting a new life. Compared to her, I still feel like a young kid still not yet grown…

Talking about marriage, suddenly all the people around me are getting married NEXT YEAR! Wow ~ to all lovers out there “Congrats you have found your happiness, sharing your life with your Someone and enjoying all the love..”

So many things can change within a few days (even to minutes). Yet I am too weak to go through now…sometimes while you spend so much time planning and money doing things, CHANGE is what you have to learn to accept. Throat hurts, but heart hurts even more…

Labels: People

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Kidz's World

This is hilarious! Hope the mom won’t mind me to share with you guys.

Extract…

me: ern see, can you massage for mummy?
mer: ern see take oil...mummy lie down here on the green pillow....
me: ok, dun put so much oil ok
mer: ern see put the oil in the eye, wait oil come out from the eye then you cannot see and then you become blind!
me: papa!!!!!!!

Meredith retreats to her usual pile of pillows, smiling and giggling away and awaiting the arrival of papa to the rescue of the traumatised mummy.
~
A typical wind down routine we have is to read, sing actions songs, tumble, tickle and snuggle on bed and sometimes it can get a bit violent and some people will get hurt...usually the parents.

Yesterday, Papa was the victim. After kena boxed in the nose, after which the aggressor covered papa's face with a blanket, leaving him to groan in pain and for the assaulter's conscience to awaken and return to apologise. As usual, she will come to mummy and asks, "why papa do like that?"

I told her papa is in pain and told her to go over and apologise but she refused. After some time, she was still asking why is papa covering his face (papa was secretly taking the chance to sleep!) and saying "papa is not feeling well?". i said why dun she try to help papa get well since she is Doctor Tung. she said she can't so i suggested for her to pray. Surprisingly she agreed! Here it goes...

Dear Jesus, i pray you help papa not feeling well...you help him get well soon...his nose pain...ern see leg make him pain...and help mummy sleep well tonight...and no dreams (mummy cannot rest well whenever she dreams in the night)....and ern see also sleep well....(papa grabbed my hand at this point)...God make the sun, moon and stars and fish and everything ...and God made you (all lines from one of her books on creation)....help ern see sleep well...(mummy n papa controlling very hard)......amen.Sorry but there were a quite few more things but papa and mummy cannot remember anymore because we were all trying hard not to laugh out loud. And mind you, all this time, she had her eyes closed.

Papa 's face still covered. i asked her what should she do now....
ern see: "Give papa medicine?"
mummy: "Ern See give papa medicine?"
ern see: "Give papa 'chut chut' ( this is the sound we make for her whenever she has to take medication as we would use a syringe to prevent accidental loss of the medicine). mummy go and get the medicine...the pink one(paracetemol) and the black one (mucoslovan), take two..."

At that, we decided to call off the act because i do not want to make a trip to the kitchen!
~
Story OneWe were sitting at the bus stop and opposite us is West Spring sec sch. A black car was parked outside the school gate and i think they went inside the sch to deliver fruits via the side gate.
Ern See: What is the car doing there?
Mummy: That is because today is sunday and the school is not opened. The car cannot go in because the gate is locked. So the car owner park there and go in by the other side.
Ern See: The car owner go in because he want to "ng ng"? (da bian / big business in the toilet)

Story TwoAt PoPo's House...
Ern See: Mummy, you look sad...
Mummy: Mummy is not sad...
Ern See: Mummy, you look sad! (meaning "show me a sad face")
Mummy: ok..mummy look sad (mummy invert the mouth and show a sad face)
Ern See: (ern see pout her mouth and frown, in a questioning tone) Who did that?!
Then mummy could not continue the act and burst out laughing!Seems like ern see has surpassed mummy in acting skills!