`take my HAND* NEVER let go-

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Love Letter

Dear God,

I am very sad, hurt and angry now. My soul is very burdened by current affairs. Before I turn to Your Word for comfort, I’m coming here to share with You how I feel now.
I’m really very frustrated with the actions of certain people. God, why are they like that? How can they do this to me? Why do they do such thing?!
Also I’m very discouraged when everything I’ve hoped dearly for failed. Like they did not come to pass. These are what I really want and I’ve been praying… God, when will they really happen?
Today I really hope to fellowship with my cell group but in the end when I’m sad and need some encouragement, my spiritual family is not there for me. Even some friends I hope to spend some quality time with ‘disappear’. I feel very lonely in church. The closest people always hurt the most. But I know I play a part too. I’m sorry if I have not done well, again.

God, can I try again?
You know all those who have done me wrong/hurt me… God help me to forgive them.
Today message about blessing through suffering kind of warm my heart. It reminded me that You are still here. Maybe nothing else of those matters anymore… God, will You reply my letter? What can I do to strengthen myself through all these disappointments?
God You know as I write this, tears keep rolling down my cheek. Some things lost can never be found again.

Where can I find the motivation, to live again?

Love,
Me

Labels: Current Affair

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Monday, March 28, 2011

Sweetest Devotion

It’s been a special month. I’m going on a roller coaster ride again. I don’t know how things will turn out but I’m trusting God… whatever that has happened, happens for a reason, for my Good… and I believe that God will give me the best. Oh… give me a break! He said, "It's understandable how you feel now, after going through such...but just try your best, do your best, and I will carry you through.." Stay tune!

Labels: Current Affair

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Sunday, January 2, 2011

010111

2011 has been great so far. Whatever has happened in 2010 are past. The ending of 2010 was indeed better than the start. The most amazing thing was I enrolled to Sot and graduate on this same year. And the miracles that happen after that. Even though I’m in constant struggle but each time I emerge stronger and better than before. I definitely grew up a lot from 2009. It was a year I made many courageous decisions and experienced the worst. Now the thought of what I went through in the past made me very sad. I can’t imagine how I manage to live till this day to be where I am…

I suddenly remember about the diary and really found it…memories of the past flood back. 2009 was also the year I got to know God better, and I found another group of friends. Beginning of 2010 I lost my bag. But end of 2010 I received a lot. I’m thankful I still have my wallet and cell group has helped me with some items too. Now I’ve received many gifts from people (big & small) and in many ways including the teaching of Word and spending time with baby.

God is still Good. Sweet. Faithful.

Later part of 2010 was like a brand new life. It was…hmm…Great! All these are precious moments. I miss and cherish each moment…

2011 is special. Because something is going to happen, soon. Visions & Dreams! The heavenly sound of “Amazing Grace” came from no where and I thought the angels are here and Jesus is back! I almost quickly rush out of the toilet to see..LoL

2011 I can do better. I cannot give up. Surely things will be better. Greater things have yet to come!
What are you dreaming? =)

Labels: Current Affair, Dream, Vision

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

HUGsss

How should I start? It has been really long since I wrote something..

Hello World!

I’m here just to say that I need a HUG right now.
All I ever want, All I ever need, All I ever have is U.

I just want to smile and wish I can be better.
I just want to feel better..

Please Pray for me,

Thank you.

Goodbye World!

Labels: Current Affair

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Sunday, October 3, 2010

He has made everything beautiful in its time.

It’s one month after Sot. So far it has been a great month and I thank God for every beautiful memory. What makes it so happy is the gift. Giving gift is an act of love. I love the gifts. Gifts are special.
I need to work and study harder. Maybe it’s also time to take break and have some fun and outing. Looking forward for more adventure trip and of course shopping! Wooo.. excited now..

It’s a month of appreciating one another and serving others. God is good. Even when I’m bad, He is still good. But he who trusts in the LORD will be prospered.
Thank you God for all Your blessings. A God that heals. Isaiah 40:29-31

Most importantly, I miss BaBy! I wish I can spend more time with him and love him more. He likes to smile and gets excited, making me excited too! LoL
Yeah trusting Him and believing in better things…

And now abide Faith, Hope, Love, these three; but the greatest of these is LOVE.

Labels: Current Affair

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Monday, August 30, 2010

Start of a New Chapter

Sot ended. There is so much to say and I don’t know where to start. But one thing I know – I miss Sot. I misss every single moment.. from my morning marathon to the train ride. To be happy or sad? Though I’m glad I AM in sot but it’s also a very very heartbreaking period of time for me. Like what they say it is not the end but the beginning. It is the start of a renewed life, the birth of a dream, a fresh new start!

God, I want to thank you for these past six months. I still remember on my very first day I attended Bs, and now people life transform. I couldn’t get use and kept falling sick. And the wilderness experience. Each time the trials get more and more challenging till I seriously don’t know what else I can do and if there is still life ahead. There are times when I have nothing more…nothing else and I wonder if I should quit. I had no money to eat and travel. Once sis blessed me with a bread for dinner. And topped up a $20 to my travelling card. If not I could not go home. At that time, I truly experienced what is love and thankfulness. I was on the bus holding the small bread tightly and weeping. It’s just a small bun. But this bread (cost less than $2?) – one filled with love, kindness and goodness was priceless to me.

After a period of time, as condition gets worse, I eat lesser but I thank God that I did not get ill. In fact I’m surprise with the strength I received and that what keeps me alive is really by the power of the Spirit. I wish I can remember every single detail. So that I can exclaim how miraculously He brings me through. Many first times too! I'm sure more to come.

To quit halfway or not? Much disappointment, rejection… but when I am weak, I am strong. To add on betrayal, separation, a hell of nonsense… who cares? Fighting battles alone is really…WOW. A quitter never wins. A winner never quits. I want to breakthrough. I want to win through my struggles. Hence what came next really was like WOWwww. “Hell” “Valley of the Shadow of Death” ,you name it. Well I may not understand, but I trust that God has a purpose for me. Yes it is painful. But our God is our healer.

No matter what God is still faithful and He LOVES me. He knows all things and is powerful and He will always be with me. There are so many things to share! Before I close this chapter, let me go through everything once again – from standing on stage to receive the ‘gift’ from Pastor Kong, being an Sot graduate, empowered, equipped, responsibilities, salt & light…

Oh not forgetting my assignments and quite happy with my grades (surprised with my preaching score! Heeeee), ministry, overall everything is GOOD!!! Because God is Good. I may lose many things but I trust that He will give me even better things. What else? Oh there is so much to share I wish I can share them to bless others!

Am I transformed?
How have I changed?
Hmm…from the first day to the last day…

Greater things have yet to come. What is ahead is surely better than before and now. Yes I can still hope. Thank You God….. I love you too :)

Labels: Books, Current Affair, Event

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Healing

One kid drew this for me. He calls it “Lei Gou”.

I’m so touched! Guess how old is he? :P
He’s so cute and funny. It’s really a joy to listen and talk to him.
I like the joy on their face. Happy just playing with the balloon and running around.. Who ever made them cry? Broken…unwanted…unloved…
A boy showed me his “essay”. He pulled me close to him and patted my back, and whispered something to me. I was shocked! He knew? The feeling is indescribable.
He’s really smart though he’s special.

Dear Jesus,

Please help me to love them all. Bring forth the light in me, that I may so shine and be their light…
Teach me in the way I should go
Show me Your Way.
Amen.

I will keep Praising You! You know and You know…

I will wait...
Tired. I need rest.

Come what may, I’ll kill you!!!

Labels: Current Affair

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Monday, July 12, 2010

P.E.A.C.E

Just thought of dropping by for a visit. So much has happened and I know God has planned it this way for me. From the first day till now, I have so much to express what I’ve been through. But I wish it would never end. I enjoy my mornings with Him, though how tired it is…how I learn obedience through suffering…the times when I went through hell, how I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…oh gosh I don’t want to think about it now…

But I’m so excited to share! I hope I can remember it forever…once in a lifetime. I love the Holy Spirit. I love my Angel. Today, I like the Peace. It has helped me to cool down and I feel happier. I also want to thank God for healing my painful heart. :)

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. – John 14:27

Everything is still messy, but I really don’t want to think about it now. I just want to enjoy this Peace. Peace, please stay and be with me! Whatever that happens, surely I will pull through. Maybe I never know, maybe one day I’ll ask Him…I just don’t understand. Well perhaps time will tell.

I don’t want the burden and fear. Maybe I shouldn’t care anymore… Can’t love be happier? ~

Today I’m inspired by the 4 speakers. I will..
Dare to Dream
Have the Courage to Believe
A Heart to make it Happen!

(The above are not the points of his message, but my random words)
I will help others with their dream and make it come true!
And he mentioned they started with 5 members. All it takes is LOVE. Love is really the foundation of all things. A Great Leader =)
Reminded of what Pastor Kong said during AC…I will be super duper touched…he gives us the freedom to do what we want, make choices...despite knowing we may fail, make mistake along the way, whatever happens, even when we fall/fail know that he will be there to support us, be there for us, and pick us up again. WOW!!! Though he doesn’t know me personally, but this assurance just warms my heart.

Action!

Labels: Books, Current Affair

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Hold my hands and walk with me

... keep trying every single day…even if I may keep failing, but one day I’ll walk through it. He’s there to keep telling me “No, I’m not alone in this” Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. Because He is my Shepherd. And a True and Good Shepherd never leaves His sheep.

Even how much they attack, I’m still strong. I may lose my courage but I’m finding it back again… I got to learn to practice what I preach.

SO now, tears please stop, faith you come.
Now, I just got to force myself to eat and be strong again.
And work hard.

Please stop tears…I need to rest my eyes…

I WILL, I CAN. Because I am a child of God.

Labels: Current Affair

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Faith, Hope, Love

我真的好想哭!
If blogging will send this out, I hope that it will be transmitted to Heaven...
Then I feel hopeful, maybe He will tell me or show me. I know you must be tired of this…but believe me, I’m really trying. And struggling, very difficult. Hence I can only blog…I often have this image I’m standing on this big open land. Many weapons come, flying everywhere. I’m hit, struck, but I did not fall, my body is shaking, going to collapse, but I did not fall. I am standing. It just reminded me of Ephesians 6:13.
In the end, I’m filled with blood, cuts, tormented till I couldn’t even recognize myself…but I’m still standing bravely. Even though I’m standing, but I’m internally tortured and bleeding.

Maybe someday I’ll be able to walk out…I don’t know when. Maybe soon. But it’s also this that I realize who are the people who truly love and care. Who I am to them. And who I am to them is different from who am I to God. Only perfect love comes from God. Maybe I did many nasty things to them. I never really know how to love them, or show them. I always want people to be real yet I am not true to them. I can only pray they will forgive me just as I forgive them. I’m really sorry I did not play my part very well.

But if I can have a chance, again, I want to start all over again…
Can I?

Thinking about it gives me a glimpse of hope. I want to start showering my love to them, every one of them…giving them happiness, experiencing joy and laughter…isn’t that what ‘I can’ do? But can I? Do we all share the same space for growing?

Many times I know He’s there to heal me. He just stood there quietly without saying anything…many times I wonder why…I hate it to face it all alone…but then I grow stronger each time…

People, please please give me a chance to tell you how much I love you. Even if you may not love me as much as I love you, I still want to thank you for playing a part and being so important in my life. Forgive me if I have hurt or made you angry in anyway…as I’m learning…it’s so difficult for me to do certain things but if that’s what you want…because there are so many things I don’t know.

Please be strong…jiayou…you can because they say you can. One day, you’ll be healed in Jesus' name!

I am Daddy's brave girl!!!

Labels: Current Affair, People