BEAUTIFUL LIFE
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
That Thing...
I know it was not a dream. That dimension in that stage…
In between sleep and consciousness, that thin space. That vague awareness of stillness…
There were a few of them…the night seemed strange. They were like dark shadows lurking around…in one sudden moment felt something pressing forcefully on.. it was like being pushed hard down into a small hole. Lower part of the body (abdomen area) was in tremendous pain. It was difficult to breathe and move!! It was intense agony…couldn’t speak that out…
In a flash that awareness became strong…somehow realized what was happening, muttered OUT the 4 words weakly. The only powerful words that kept speaking like a chant… Right away it felt free and clear…the release. All was clear and still but the muttering did not stop. They were still near.
Those only words…peace…security…slowly falling into unconsciousness with the continuous murmuring…weak…fearing to move an inch…
A loud screeching disturbing sound sounded suddenly a distance away…knew they fled away. Far away…strange noise…
The whispering did not stop. It was an assurance. Flashes of images. Shut them off…
And finally…the heart was still beating, cold sweat…
……….Labels: Current Affair
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
BEAUTIFUL LIFE
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Heavenly Dream
Budgets, budgets and more budgets!!! Aarrrggghhh…
Such a headache…Just can’t figure out, need to seek a confirmation. The more fear and risk, the better. It is the good training ground to get ready for more. “Kill the flesh..kill the flesh!!” ……
I’m glad and thankful that during my darkest time people are there, I spent it with my loved ones. Feels so in love…guess I would have died or still in a spiral of despair if not for my beloved God and people. Enjoyed the service and drama. Now I begin to enjoy singing freely. Next came pm. It was really one week where I felt in Heavenly World. I remembered on the first day I felt so sick and so distracted and uneasy. Throat really hurts. I couldn’t get the stamina! Kinda depressing. Fortunately was comforted after…
Each day got better and better. Wednesday was a special day. After enjoying my outing with sis, went to decorate cupcakes. What happened throughout that night till morning got me giggling till now. Whatever plans, God is still in control.
Went to visit Megan. Hope she’ll be fine and grows healthily. She likes to sleep and will cry if carried or awaken. Calm and peaceful baby. Yeah I’m coming to see you soon!
(Oh yea I'm 1 year old) *wink winkLabels: Current Affair, Event, People
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
BEAUTIFUL LIFE
Friday, February 13, 2009
Connection
Praise God! He heard my prayer! I just got news that she has given birth!!! When? Could it be just now? Haha…It must be a healthy baby…Oh baby baby I’m coming to visit you later…
Guess Mom shall have less time to worry and have that focus now…
{Went back. Friendly and even asked me if I want egg tarts. We finally talked. Suddenly the word “SEE YOU” is so precious and lovely to me. He’s surely in control…He just made the way for me…Oh how sweet!}
I’m not going to think so much…all the feelings, emotions, past are over. Starting afresh! Whatever happens it’s going to be seeking first…It’s NOT about me..Labels: Current Affair
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
BEAUTIFUL LIFE
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Random
Yo, I’m back from pm. I’m the earliest here haha. This is the third time I woke up so early this year. It was energetic at first but now felt tired. Some people are still in bed now…
A little struggle, a little doubt. But it’s all over! My life is your song is still playing in my mind. It was the last song before I left. This whole meeting was terrific! I still feel the cool breeze and quietness.. The morning day is really beautiful and fresh! Sunlight..sunlight
On the way back, I have this vision of someone. As I was thinking what I should do for the rest of the morning this someone appeared. And I see we were together going to some places. We were or in the process of starting and doing something. Like getting around to acquire some stuff for the training session, lots of discussion and ideas…Building..building..building.. This someone I’m waiting. Someone who’s going to be near me, lead me and work with me.
Someone, where are you???
Oh I’m going back to sleep.Labels: Current Affair
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
BEAUTIFUL LIFE
Saturday, February 7, 2009
This is my Cry..
I just said that prayer…which managed to pull myself up from …hope and anticipation…
Why………………..???
It must be that song…or that blog. No…I’m not going to continue this way. Yesterday spoke about boldness, creativity, seeking…
And I proclaim it ONE more time, “I will overcome it with good!!! Seek, seek, SEEK, pray, Pray, PRAY!!! Get away fear! I stand strong in FAITH!!”Labels: Current Affair
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
BEAUTIFUL LIFE
Friday, February 6, 2009
Lone Walk
I am still in shock. I don’t wish to think whatever happened…It was a terrifying nightmare. I did not sleep well. Slept really late and woke up suddenly…throat hurts! Do you realize what has happened? It’s not the same anymore! Nothing can ever undo. The price of a mistake!!! All the hard work is gone like the wind…my effort, time…and my mind can’t seem to hold anymore of anything anymore!!!
Every time when I try to do something to pull myself up, it felt so heavy…the heart doesn’t listen to the mind. The heart would be reminded of all the memories and hope…
Every thought hurts like mad. Not another emo day…when will this end? It’s just a step…one small step…It’s just like someone dear to you just left the world and you can’t get her back. You lost and you grieve over…
As much as I wish to stand up again, it’s during such time you’re going to see how resilient you are. What doesn’t break makes me stronger……….Labels: Current Affair
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
BEAUTIFUL LIFE
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Play-Thing
I am not going to be emo here and cry again. It’s too much and heavy a burden to carry. To be so angry ever yet trying to suppress it before I burst out and do something I don’t wish to see. You must be laughing secretly. Seriously I doubt your sincerity. Yet I trust you so much. Doing all I can to please you. Why must there always be a lack...? Why have I spend so much time and effort building something but not succeed in accomplishing anything to You?
Yes not only am I angry but disappointed. For that fraction of a second, my heart stops beating…the flesh is torn. That’s when I decided to stop. It means I’m going to move on and start this kind of life again. When I tell you will you really listen and change??
God will set me free. God will make a way. Be back on track and stop the nonsense. To smile to the world convincing myself it’s gonna be good but bleeding in the heart definitely feels NOT good. To pretend nothing happens and shrug it off. GIVE IT UP!!! It's back to the fearful days..how much time do I have? FEAR!!!
Pause
I am watching this super sad song now. It just makes me addicted. As the Chinese saying goes “yi du gong du”…As I was lunching that day someone sang it at ktv…
对你的思念是一天又一天
孤单的我还是没有改变
美丽的梦何时才能出现
亲爱的你好想再见你一面
秋天的风一阵阵地吹过
想起了去年的这个时候
你的心到底在想些什么
为什么留下这个结局让我承受
最爱你的人是我你怎么舍得我难过
在我最需要你的时候没有一句话就走
最爱你的人是我你怎么舍得我难过
对你付出了这么多你却没有感动过
That day I went to accompany and look after her. Enjoyed entertaining her (or being entertained?). Read magazine, ate cornflakes, talked, played tic-tac-toe, slept. She cheered my day! Darling, wish you’re by my side now…Labels: Current Affair
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through *hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
